This event never happened at least it did not happen as portrayed here, but sometimes a little tinkering with the truth can add to a story. It’s not that the changes are completely intentional but after hearing the story told several weeks ago and then only in passing, the details are somewhat foggy, but that is no problem even if the facts have faded. Improvise.
The unlikely setting of the story was at a Wednesday night church gathering. The preacher led a Bible study, a song or two were sung and then the program was turned over to the youth group led by a youth advisor only a few years senior to his charges.
His first move was to turn off all the lights in the sanctuary except for a spot on a lone shrouded character seated in the middle of the pulpit area with his back to the audience. The other stage presence at the dimly lit podium was the narrator of the little skit. Of course this was not wholly extemporaneous. Plans had been made previously; there were fellow conspirators in this little preconceived drama. The hope was that no one would be offended but would enjoy the levity of the situation.
A high school student made an opening remark stating that tonight the congregation was to have an opportunity to face the ugliest person anyone had ever seen and that he was seated in front of them.
Volunteers were invited to come forth and view the face of the seated figure that was carefully and ghoulishly made up to fill the intended role so volunteers were warned beforehand that the experience would be nightmarishly frightening so only the brave should participate. The speaker seemingly overdid the grossness of the scene, and no one was immediately willing to play the role of observer until one raised his hand to agree to take his chance to view this reportedly impossibly ugly shrouded party.
He slowly walked onto the pulpit area and facing the shrouded mystery one and the audience, he carefully and slowly lifted the veil to reveal the world’s ugliest being.
But before he was able to fully uncover the face, the volunteer let out a shriek of revulsion, clutched the sides of his face and burst from the stage area amid indescribable howls. The emotional outburst continued even after the volunteer had departed the building, his voice trailing off in the distance.
This display of unmitigated horror unnerved the audience so that it was difficult to convince anyone else to follow the lead, but one brave soul was undeterred. He would prove to all that his manliness would preserve.
Following the steps of his predecessor, he faced his adversary and confidently lifted the face cover but only slightly at which time he dropped the veil and stood speechless. He was dumbstruck; he could not utter even a sound. The only visible motion was his trembling jaw which betrayed his bravado. The narrator seeing the plight of the volunteer hurriedly took him by his hand and led him down the aisle and out of the building. Surely now there would be no one would venture to face the seated enigma of ugliness.
But he was wrong. There was one whose named was called by the narrator to come forth. It was the preacher. He was reluctant to follow the first victims, but he was a role model and had to set the example for his charges so he sheepishly agreed to follow the earlier pattern. Little did he know he was being set up.
He approached the seated figure and carefully lifted the facial covering as the others had done but instead of his reacting like his predecessors, guess who let out this primeval scream?
No it was not uttered by the preacher but rather it was a scream that brought down the audience with laughter. The shrouded figure jumped from his seat, threw off his shroud and when last seen was running for dear life out the back door. He was dethroned as the Lucifer-like ugliest, replaced by another more worthy – the preacher!
A preacher has to be multi-skilled and one very important attribute is to have a sense of humor.
The house lights came one revealing that indeed the ugliest one in the building was not the shrouded one; it was the good natured leader of the flock.
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Bill Lee
PO Box 128
Hamer, SC 29547